i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
