xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
