he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
