i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
