Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
