you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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