what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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