i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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