i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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