i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
