He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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