I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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