Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
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kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
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We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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