He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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