i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
