omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
