i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
