you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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