Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
