woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize