jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
