dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
