does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
