I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
