You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
