I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
