i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
