If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
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If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
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Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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