Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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