I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
