just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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