So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
