just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
