how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
