She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
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We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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