I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
