I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
