She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
