Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
