I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
