so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
