GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize