I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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