I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
