We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
