You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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