Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
