The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
