I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
