Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
