I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Someone came in the potted fern
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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