I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize