kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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