Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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