Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
