Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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