Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I cockslap morals
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
