Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
