I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
