So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's shark week go big or go home
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
