i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I forget how to act sober
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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