Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
did you just send me my own nude
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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