my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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