meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
