somebody snuck up and got me drunk
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
