A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
