i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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